Giving birth is not like anything else. It is the most undignified
and vulnerable position I will likely ever be in. I only want people there whom
I trust completely to be 110% supportive and selfless. I have done all of this
so far by myself – it’s about me
getting Astrid here safely.
The question, “Should I have my child’s father present
during labor and delivery?” could be rephrased as, “Should I have someone - who
has hurt me terribly and causes me a great deal of stress, sadness, insecurity,
anger, and a plethora of other negative emotions - in the delivery room with
me?”
It doesn’t matter if I’ve hurt him terribly and cause him to
feel a variety of negative emotions as well – he’s not the one responsible for
getting the baby safely out.
The presence of the people I choose to have in the room with
me should inspire the creation of only helping
hormones during labor. Labor will stop or slow when negative emotions trigger
fight-or-flight hormones.
My comfort and emotional security during one of the most
physically trying, intimate, and powerful experiences in my life is extremely important.
“But, he’s her father.”
Astrid is not going to be looking for her daddy as she first
opens her eyes. She’s going to be listening for the voice she has been hearing
every day for the past twenty weeks. She may even recognize the voices of
others she’s heard every day… and that’s not her father’s voice. She’s not
going to know the difference between her father who hasn’t been here at all
throughout the pregnancy, from a coat rack.
He lost any ethical right to be there the minute he decided
not to be there for me during the pregnancy.
If he couldn’t handle the pressures of being supportive
during the pregnancy, which is the easiest part, how can he be depended on to
be supportive of me during labor and
delivery?
My first priority has got to be doing what’s best for me and
Astrid, whether that impacts him positively or negatively. It’s not. about. him.
I think the only reason I’ve been considering having him there
is because I’m holding onto to a love that doesn’t exist for him anymore (or as
he says, never existed… how nice). I want to share the most important moment of
my life with someone who loves me… but he doesn’t.
