Indecision 2012

Giving birth is not like anything else. It is the most undignified and vulnerable position I will likely ever be in. I only want people there whom I trust completely to be 110% supportive and selfless. I have done all of this so far by myself – it’s about me getting Astrid here safely.

The question, “Should I have my child’s father present during labor and delivery?” could be rephrased as, “Should I have someone - who has hurt me terribly and causes me a great deal of stress, sadness, insecurity, anger, and a plethora of other negative emotions - in the delivery room with me?”

It doesn’t matter if I’ve hurt him terribly and cause him to feel a variety of negative emotions as well – he’s not the one responsible for getting the baby safely out.

The presence of the people I choose to have in the room with me should inspire the creation of only helping hormones during labor. Labor will stop or slow when negative emotions trigger fight-or-flight hormones.

My comfort and emotional security during one of the most physically trying, intimate, and powerful experiences in my life is extremely important.

“But, he’s her father.”

Astrid is not going to be looking for her daddy as she first opens her eyes. She’s going to be listening for the voice she has been hearing every day for the past twenty weeks. She may even recognize the voices of others she’s heard every day… and that’s not her father’s voice. She’s not going to know the difference between her father who hasn’t been here at all throughout the pregnancy, from a coat rack.

He lost any ethical right to be there the minute he decided not to be there for me during the pregnancy.

If he couldn’t handle the pressures of being supportive during the pregnancy, which is the easiest part, how can he be depended on to be supportive of  me during labor and delivery?

My first priority has got to be doing what’s best for me and Astrid, whether that impacts him positively or negatively. It’s not. about. him.

I think the only reason I’ve been considering having him there is because I’m holding onto to a love that doesn’t exist for him anymore (or as he says, never existed… how nice). I want to share the most important moment of my life with someone who loves me… but he doesn’t.