Indecision 2012

Giving birth is not like anything else. It is the most undignified and vulnerable position I will likely ever be in. I only want people there whom I trust completely to be 110% supportive and selfless. I have done all of this so far by myself – it’s about me getting Astrid here safely.

The question, “Should I have my child’s father present during labor and delivery?” could be rephrased as, “Should I have someone - who has hurt me terribly and causes me a great deal of stress, sadness, insecurity, anger, and a plethora of other negative emotions - in the delivery room with me?”

It doesn’t matter if I’ve hurt him terribly and cause him to feel a variety of negative emotions as well – he’s not the one responsible for getting the baby safely out.

The presence of the people I choose to have in the room with me should inspire the creation of only helping hormones during labor. Labor will stop or slow when negative emotions trigger fight-or-flight hormones.

My comfort and emotional security during one of the most physically trying, intimate, and powerful experiences in my life is extremely important.

“But, he’s her father.”

Astrid is not going to be looking for her daddy as she first opens her eyes. She’s going to be listening for the voice she has been hearing every day for the past twenty weeks. She may even recognize the voices of others she’s heard every day… and that’s not her father’s voice. She’s not going to know the difference between her father who hasn’t been here at all throughout the pregnancy, from a coat rack.

He lost any ethical right to be there the minute he decided not to be there for me during the pregnancy.

If he couldn’t handle the pressures of being supportive during the pregnancy, which is the easiest part, how can he be depended on to be supportive of  me during labor and delivery?

My first priority has got to be doing what’s best for me and Astrid, whether that impacts him positively or negatively. It’s not. about. him.

I think the only reason I’ve been considering having him there is because I’m holding onto to a love that doesn’t exist for him anymore (or as he says, never existed… how nice). I want to share the most important moment of my life with someone who loves me… but he doesn’t.

Funnies

• switch a few letters on the house computer around
• dare someone to balance a cup of water on the top of each hand at the same time - once the cups are on their hands, simply walk away
• glue googly-eyes to random inanimate objects (toilet lid, inside cupboard doors, shower wall)
• move one item from person's room into another person's room every day when neither are home
• When someone's sick, cut up several large clear plastic bags and then tape them together in order to create a large sheet of plastic. Then at 4 in the morning, tape the sheet of plastic to the person's door frame with duct tape and then tape a big sign that says QUARANTINED
• If your doors open inward, tie one doorknobs to another one with rope. Bang on both doors and watch the hilarity
• Celebrate a friend's birthday by wrapping all their room possessions in gift wrap. Make sure to get all the big furniture first: the desk, the bed, and the dresser. Then use the extra wrapping paper to wrap everything else in the room, from their lamp to their shower basket. Don't forget to get each piece of clothing. There's nothing like unwrapping your own underwear.
• print out pictures of a celebrity or character (one that she hates or loves) and place them all over her room and bathroom. overdo it.
• Buy a greeting card that sings when you open it. Cut out the sound box and attach it to the door hinges. Every time someone opens the door, the music will play.
• superglue quarters to the sidewalk
• For this one, you go into the bathroom and unroll the toilet paper a bit. Take a marker and carefully write a message on it that says, "Help! I'm trapped in a toilet paper factory." Then roll the toilet paper back onto the roll.
• change the mouse cursor speed on the house computer
• For every single day of the year (365 days), keep a penny on the desk of your target. Every single day. Unmistakeably. He will come in every day at work and find this coin and will not know where it came from. Initially he will be amused, then perplexed, and towards the month end he will be frustrated like crazy. Don’t worry, the fun continues for 11 more months! It costs you $3.65 or the whole year. Totally worth it.
• ‘Kidnap’ a precious item of your target. Take multiple photos of it in different forms of torture. At different times, drop one photo in his cubicle – never ask for a ransom. If he never tries to retrieve it, do the same with another object and continue! Pick an object of extreme importance to him
• Cut a simple paw print stencil out of paper then sprinkle talc (or flour) over the stencil to make a series of paw prints across the floor. 
• cut a banana without peeling it (use a long needle) so when it's peeled the banana pieces fall out
• put an object belonging to someone inside a jello mold
• blow out eggs
• cover a pillow in tin foil and slip back into pillowcase
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new page for baby book - baby's name